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Wednesday, 21 February 2018

Payback Causes Us to Micro-Manage Our Energy!


In my video yesterday, I mentioned that I was delivering a Foggy-related social enterprise talk last night and that I was having to rest to make sure I was up to it. However, THIS happened.

This is in no way a negative comment about the event, the organisers had done everything they could do to ensure attendance. It was just one of those things. That didn't help me to manage my energy levels though.

I was contacted last Friday via LinkedIn and asked if I would like to talk at an event that was organised for students who were interested in social enterprises.  It was a bit last minute, but I saw it as a way for Foggy to reach people who wouldn't usually be within my reach. So I said yes. I already have an immense workload that I am struggling to manage (I can work 3-5 hours per day, depending) but felt it was worth my while.

I have been creating the slides and prompt cards (essential when you have poor memory/concentration) over the weekend in slow time. I knew I would have to preserve valuable energy as the talk was to be held between 6-8pm (I was one of 3 speakers). I knew just the act of
sitting and listening/participating would take its toll on my M.E. So I was trying to be careful! Then I realised the Parliament debate was also happening yesterday. My plans of resting as much as possible went out of the window. I managed to grab an hours sleep yesterday afternoon and hoped that would be enough to 'recharge' myself as much as possible.

I got showered, dressed, got my stuff together ready to head off. I had an incredibly hot face, usually a sign that my symptoms were beginning to flare, but headed out to the venue. I got there 15 minutes early (military family upbringing....need I say more?!), met the organiser, took a seat and waited for people to start arriving. 25 minutes later, 3 people had arrived.

This is when my brain started to consider whether GUARANTEED payback would be worth it for the sake of 3 people. Business people I know say you should always deliver the talk regardless of how many people are in the room. Those attendees have made the effort to come and hear you speak. True.  However, I know that I will be feeling really.....really...unwell tomorrow because of exerting myself on Tuesday evening, for the sake of 3 people and a poorly attended 2 hour event. Deliberately making myself feel like poo would have been worth it if I could have reached a minimum of 15 people (as expected) but I took the decision to leave. I hadn't left them in the lurch as there were 2 other speakers who stayed and were happy to sit and chat informally to the students who had attended (WOW - imagine how that would have wiped me out!? 2 hours of conversation). I felt really guilty though. 

This is just one example of how we have to carefully consider what to spend our precious life-resource (energy) on. Two days after exertion, will we kick ourselves with the realisation that we should have not gone to the party, gone grocery shopping, met up with friends, delivered a talk, as it was not worth the sheer rubbish-ness that came with it? I will have payback tomorrow, I know I will. But, it will be less than it would have been if I had stayed until 8pm. Good decision.


and Foggy (OBVIOUSLY) xx

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