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Monday, 18 September 2017

Brain Fog

Morning!

So, ME Foggy Dog got its name because of the ME symptom brain fog. That feeling of having to get thoughts through a cotton wool brain before being able to do anything with them. Just writing this blog is proving to be an effort today. Apologies if it is just waffle!

Some days, I could be asked what my age is and I wouldn't have a blooming clue! As I mentioned in an old blog post, my mum and I actually counted back the years on our fingers a few years ago as neither of us could remember how old I was!

As you probably know by now, I now run my own fledgling business from home. I get in a pickle fairly regularly, luckily I work alone so no one else realises that I have no clue what I am doing...oh bum...I've told you all now! Some days, I just sit and stare at my filing cabinet for a few minutes.
'Hide and Seek'
Trying to remember what work I need to be getting on with, or why I came to the other end of the dining room where my desk is! Us M.E peeps also suffer from poor memory issues but brain fog is slightly different. It's almost as if your brain knows what you need to be doing but it's running 2 minutes behind where it should be! I know that being the other side of a M.E affected encounter can be very frustrating as we flounder for words or actions that are required. Unfortunately, non-ME peeps are not mind-readers!

I am a people-pleaser. I worry that other people think I am stupid because I can't think straight! I find myself explaining about my M.E so they realise it's a health thing and not lack of intelligence. Why do I feel the need to do that?! Well, we all know that the reason M.E folk talk about their M.E ALL THE TIME is that it is an invisible illness. If we don't vocalise about it, no one would know that we are struggling.

Brain fog is always exceptionally bad at supermarket checkouts. Right when the cashier needs me to know whether I have a car park ticket, have bags, have a store points card or if I need help with packing. Normally, I just stand there...mute....while I struggle to answer their questions! I usually put items in the wrong bags (I shop with my Dad who is slightly anally retentive when it comes to packing shopping...hence the 'wrong bag'), forget to take my card, trip over the trolley wheels...etc etc...you get the idea. My brain kinda gets confused and causes me to become clumsy (probably why stairs and I have a bad relationship!). I can't judge distances or environment dimensions.

It's all fun and games isn't it?!

Love

Sally xxxx
(and Foggy OBVIOUSLY)

P.S.... Foggy is having a great time on board the Queen Elizabeth. The photo shows him playing 'Hide and seek' with Lizz and Hazel (Elektra Violin duo) this week.

2 comments:

  1. Sally, thank you so much for having the courage to share your struggles. I can relate to everything you said! I too feel need to explain, but I also grow so weary of it. This is becoming problematic because I find myself choosing to avoid people more and more. Now that I'm single (my husband could no longer deal with all my health issues), I go through periods where I feel desperately alone, yet socializing is incredibly draining and my symptoms are too severe right now. When I have to choose between being able to make my own meals or socializing, being able to eat a nutritious meal wins out. Then, of course, I'm accused of isolating, which is true to an extent. BUT, it's not like I chose this life! I don't avoid people because I don't like socializing. I used to be a social butterfly! When I was working, I was the social hub of the office. I organized everything from birthday lunches to conferences - and I loved it! So who I am now, my ME (and a host of other chronic conditions) self feels so alien, but at the same time so does the person I used to be - it feels like it was someone else's life. Having said all this, I'm grateful beyond measure for the lessons I'm learning along the way. Though very difficult, I am seeing light at the end of this l-o-n-g dark tunnel. I've made great friends that wouldn't have met when I was healthy (yes, that includes YOU Sally ❤️), and my faith grows stronger every day. This is an incredibly difficult journey, but great things can come of it. Just look at what you are doing! Bless your dedicated and tenacious heart Sally ❤️. You are blazing a trail for the rest of us!

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  2. Thanks for your lovely feedback, love xxxx

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