Crazy What Ifs!

Hi,

Foggy is in Tuscany! He had his first plane flight of this World Tour yesterday and loved every minute...I'm sure his tail will have wagged throughout the journey....;)

This blog post was inspired by a Sunday afternoon chat I had with my Mum about our thoughts and guilt about the possible causes of my ill health since birth. We hadn't really spoken fully about it until then and our conversation surprised me. I have so many what if? questions, I thought I would address some of them now.

I mentioned in a previous blog, a few years ago, that I have had A LOT of health issues since birth.

Probably completely unrelated to my current health, but there are times when I ruminate (I learned that word at counselling 😄 ) and have the same negative thoughts going round and round in my head. What if I had done that? What if I had taken that life path instead? Would I still be in the same unhealthy position?

My Mum told me, for the first time, that when she was pregnant with me, her bump was very small for the first 7 months and midwives were worried that I wasn't growing properly. Luckily, she/I had a growth spurt in the last 6 weeks and I was a 'normal' size when I popped out. She worries that maybe something happened in the womb during that time and that caused later ill health - we will never know so there is no point thinking it! I

My Mum and Moi xxx

have an 'outie' belly button, caused by the midwife pulling the umbilical cord and giving me a mini-hernia (Did you know that that is what an 'outie' is? I didn't until I had an operation and the surgeon asked why I hadn't mentioned having a hernia...um...?) My crazy what if? brain wonders if this action, of getting a hernia/outie when I was born, caused some kind of internal problem....again...we'll never know! Like many babies, I had jaundice when I was born but that was the least of my problems! I couldn't tolerate breast milk. I had constant vomiting and diarrhea for months. Midwives told my Mum to give me formula instead. My Mum worries that I missed out on valuable nutrients. I had colic for a long time and was also tested for Coeliac disease. Something was wrong in my digestive system - doctors never worked out what the problem was, it just got better over time. The current train of thought is that M.E is caused by something in the gut. This is why my Mum and I were wondering if my baby health is somehow linked to my current health.

Another what if? What if the growth I have on the sole of my left foot is was caused by a virus and subsequently triggered M.E? I have had the lump since my teenage years, it has been checked by GPs, Chiropodists and Dermatologists. No one knows what it is but they just reassure me that it 'isn't harmful'. It's slightly tender but doesn't cause me any problems so they said to not worry about it. Again - what if?! 

What if there is something in my house that causes my M.E? This is a crazy one, let me explain. I had M.E aged 13-15, we moved into our current house a year before that. I moved to Plymouth in my 20s and was healthy and yet when I moved back into the family home aged 29 and a half I was struck down with M.E within 6 months. See?? Crazy! Conspiracy theory alert!

Would I have M.E if I hadn't pushed myself to study for a degree, relocate and start a postgraduate degree all in a short time frame? Was that too much for my body to handle? What if?! Did I push myself to go back to work/study too soon after my ear infection (the trigger of my second bout of M.E)? Is that why I didn't recover fully, like many other 'normal' people?

There are so many what ifs? An M.E sufferer could drive themselves crazy trying to work out what their cause/trigger was. Until a lovely person in a white lab coat tells us what causes Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, I'm sure my crazy brain will come up with all sorts of weird and wonderful theories!

Love,

Sally
and Foggy (OBVIOUSLY)
xxxx